Medical school didnt prepare Sarah Stein for the cold, matter-of-fact way her colleagues dealt with death.
When she asked one of the doctors she worked with how they could move on so quickly after a patient died, they explained it wasnt a lack of care it was self-preservation.
In public hospitals where beds and wards and passages are filled with death and sickness, to not step away, she says, is to allow yourself to become enshrouded by it. Shes not sure shes up to the task.
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COMMENT
I was 21 the first time a patient of mine died. It wasnt like Greys Anatomy . There were no moments of silence, no beeping flatlines in the background and no weeping family members outside the door. It was cold and matter of fact.
The intern looked at me and said, Theres a hundred more in the waiting room, so you better get moving.
I didnt understand why no one seemed to care. I felt hopeless. The doctors moved mechanically to call the family. The nurses followed protocol. Ward work continued as usual. Someone added demise to the whiteboard. Someone else shrugged, noting the patient had advanced HIV anyway.