One night in 2021, a year after the Covid-19 pandemic hit Kenya, an IT specialist in Nairobi faced a harrowing ordeal in his own home. Despite having recently purchased the house with his banker wife, who earned a higher income, their marriage was on rocky grounds. Frequent quarrels erupted over the property ownership, which was solely under her name. She wanted him out.
One fateful night, as he slept in their matrimonial bedroom, the wife took matters into her own hands. She invited her two brothers, who pounced on the unsuspecting man, delivering a thorough beating.
Domestic violence: A grim legacy spanning generations Battered men suffer in silenceBattered and traumatised, the husband reported the assault to a nearby police station, only to be met with a shocking response. Instead of taking his complaint seriously, the officers insensitively questioned how an adult man could be beaten by his in-laws under his wife's watch.
Ultimately, the couple divorced, but the husband's emotional scars from the abuse and the police's dismissive attitude lingered. Seeking solace, he turned to a counselling psychologist in Nairobi to process the traumatic experience and find a path towards healing.
He came to me six months after the divorce. He was really damaged. He would not imagine that the police would make fun of a man with a swollen face. Those (the laughing or mocking the victim) are the things that make men fear reporting domestic violence, notes the counselling psychologist, who shared the mans experience. (We keep him anonymous to avoid exposing his clients.)
The fear has imprisoned men to silence despite being subjects of frequent intimate partner violence at home, where they should find peace.
For two years, Joseph Ouna has been a village elder at Mashimoni, an area in Mathare Slums, Nairobi. No man abused by his girlfriend, wife or ex-wife has ever sought his help, yet his presence is to bring peace and harmony in the households and community.
Across the country, domestic violence is causing unbearable physical, psychological, economical and emotional distress to men, but they cant open up.
Men cant say they have been abused by their wives. Its such a shame. Youll find a man with a swollen face. When you ask him what happened, he will tell you, he fell from a motorbike, asserts Joseph.
Since July last year, I have looked for men who reported domestic abuse at a police station or reached out to the local administration, but found none.
From gender-based violence (GBV) responders to community health workers, chiefs, Nyumba Kumi members and village elders, the search ended up with either my follow-up calls being ignored, or receiving feedback that (There are many who are victims but they cant talk,) says Joseph.
In 2016, a prominent political figure in Kenya became the subject of nationwide ridicule after a local daily exposed details of an assault he endured at the hands of his wife. Despite sustaining bodily injuries, his decision to report the matter to the police unleashed a torrent of public mockery.
Official complaintOn social media, a ton of bricks were thrown at him, effectively transforming him into a laughingstock. Within political circles, he was reduced to an underdog. Fellow male politicians, perpetuating deeply entrenched societal biases, went so far as to question his suitability for leadership, solely because he had been abused by his wife and had the audacity to file an official complaint.
Since 1985, Kenya has been in the anti-GBV mode, campaigning aggressively against the crime. But has the near four decades of the battle brought any significant change?
Last year, Kenya National Bureau of Statistics released the 2022 Kenya Demographic and Health Survey, an analysis which established that close to 50 per cent of Kenyan women see no problem with a man beating his wife. Of the women, 43 per cent of them and 35 per cent of men, believed a man is justified to beat his wife.
Respondents were asked whether they agreed that a man is justified hitting or beating up his wife in eight circumstances including when she burns food, argues with him, refuses to cook, goes out without telling him, returns home late, neglects the children, is unfaithful and refuses to have sex with him.
The sample of respondents was drawn from a pool of men and women aged between 15 and 49. Respondents in rural areas we
